its all just a mask

I can fool my friend with a smile and laugh that shows I'm fine , I'm oke, and I move on. But I can't fool my heart, I'm not okey, I'm not fine and I haven't move on yet. I still love that bastard but now I hate him to. But still I can't erase him 100% from my heart.

Until this day I couldn't find someone to take his place, even my best ex can't. All my friend said that someday I'll be back with pepe, but I don't want to. Is not that I don't love him anymore, its just I love as my bestfriend.

Every day I wear a mask that shows I don't care anymore with that bastard and I hate him to death. I still cried at night because of him, I still cannot believe the boy that I love so much can hurt me and treat me like this. Every time I see him my heart feels like its been stab with a knife.

But thank god I have k-pop, it helps me take my mind off him. Every time I watch my korean boy band video like shinee or 2pm, I forget about him and I don't feel any pain.

I kinda happy and glad that now I hate him so much, cause that mean I'm on my way to move on. All I need is patient and time to heal. In couple of month I will graduate from school and after that I won't see him any more, that will help the move on process

I never wish bad things would happen with him, but I never wish him well. Last week I hear he lost his blackberry, when I heard that news I'm kinda happy and my heart is laughing.

Hey s, just wait karma to get you. When she comes you'll be sorry for what you've done to me, you will feel what I feel, and it will be worst than mine. And by that time I'm the one who'll be laughing.

sorry but i just cant forgive you bastard

Well tadi malem si suryo bbm-in gw yang isinya dia minta maaf gw, dia bilang dia banyak salah sama gw dan dia minta gw maafin. Pas gw baca yang langsung terlintas di otak gw adalah "ha! Abis lo nyakitin gw , lo minta gw maafin lo? OGAH! Jangan harap" gw emang ga bisa maafin dia, udh gto minta maafnya lewat bbm dan dia juga minta maaf cm krn bentar lagi uan, sepak sepik doang itu.

Trs tadi di sekolah kan kita maaf-maafan gto, trs dia jg minta maaf ke gw lagi, tp ngga tau knp yaa gw ga bisa maafin dia. Gw mau tp gw ga bisa. He hurt me to much. Gw ga akan maafin dia smp dia ngerasain jadi gw, smp dia tau gimana sakitnya gw selama ini dan dia bener-bener ngerasa bersalah.

Dia to manusia paling brengsek yg pernah ada, muka plus tapi sifat minus. Sampah! Well suryo meybe I never wish you bad things , but I don't wish you well. Someday you will pay what you have done to me, you will feel what I feel and it will be more worse than what I feel right know, remeber that you bastard!!

realize

Well I just finish reading my whole blog, I just realize how stupid I am this past couple of month, why I said that? Because :

1. I choose suryo instead of pepe (the biggest mistake ever)
2. I've been played with that bastard and I still stuck with him(totaly stupid)

Now I just realize that suryo is a jackass, basterd, jerk and he didn't deserve to be love, especially by me. Thingking of him is only wasting my time . After I read all my blogs and think about all what he have done, I feel, in indonesia called "ilfil" I just question my self what in the world was I thinking back than. Why I leave someone so perfect like pepe for a bastard like suryo

Thank you God you showed me how bastard suryo is, and make me realize how pathetic I am this couple of month.

And one other thing that I've realize, I'm just to good for him hahaha

Happy supposed to be 4 month anniversary

Today supposed to be my 4 month anniversary with suryo prasetyo, well since we're not together anymore there's no anniversary. Its kinda sucks to know that my relationship with him only last for 3 month. when we were still together I though that will last at least a year cause back then I though he's a good guy so we can be together for a long period but sadly he's a cold hearted bad guy so it only last for 3 month

Hmm last month I gave him present for our 3rd month anniversary, but he didn't appreciated my gift . Hmmm I wondered does he kept my card? Hmmm I don't think so, he must have throw it away and put in a trashcan. He's such a jerk! I made that card by my self dude! Well not actually by my self cause I've got a little help from Acha but still I've made that and he didn't appreciated it AT ALL!

I never regret gave him present for our 3month anniversary even a day after it we broke up. At least I've showed him how much I love him. I'm sure someday if he remember all the things I've done for him he will regret what he have done to me. Like people said, regrets always comes late and what goes around comes around so someday he will feel what I feel

Well happy supposed to be 4 month anniversary suryo, I hope someday if you be a boyfriend again you will not hurt your girlfriend like you hurt me :)

he's the bad guy, not me

Guess what, I've been separated with suryo almost a month, but I still cannot take that lil bastard out of my head. Why it is so hard to move on from someone like him? Someone that hurt me so bad. I've tried to forget that he ever existed in my heart but I can't . Its like every time I make I big wall to stay my mind off him, it fall down every time I see him. This is not the first time I've been broken hearted, but I never felt like this before.

There's many question in my head, did he even know how I feel? Did he even know how bad my heart is hurt? Did he ever regret what he have done to me? Did he even felt guilty? But i think he didn't know, he never regret it and not feel guilty.

Sometimes I just wondered what went wrong? Was it my fault? Is it not enough what I've done for him? What have I done that make him loose his feeling to me? Why I'm so easy to forget? Am I not that worth it to be remind? Am that bad as a girlfriend?

But I've tried my best to be a good girlfriend, I just don't know why he suddenly don't love me anymore. I gave him the best of me, I gave him everything(not literally) .

Maybe for him what I've done is not enough, Maybe he thinks I just wasting his time.

NOO! What am I thinking! The problem is not me, but he is. He's the one that can't see how much I love him, he's the one that can't accept me as I am, he's the one that only see the bad side of me instead of the good side. He's the bad guy not me.

good bye s :)

Even though I try to hate you, but there still a part of my heart that loves you, need you and want you. But I know that couldn't and wouldn't happen. you know what? till this time, my feeling for you don't change a bit. I still love you. Now I'm trying to erase you from my heart. its hard, but I know I can do it. there's no use to hold on this feeling , cause its only gonna hurt me more and more. So I have to move on and accept the reality. and the only way so I can move on from you is I have to stay away from you.